Which need do you feed?

I haven’t been blogging much, because, let’s face it… my life isn’t really all that exciting.  But in all honesty, I like it that way 🙂

There is something I’d like to talk about, though.


Yeah, that word, it either inspires you or makes you roll your eyes.  But people take that word too lightly.  Our society is such that we haven’t only filled our bodies with junk food, but our minds too.

Yes, the lil Debbie cakes are so sweet and inviting, and they’re delicious at the time, but they end up screwing our bodies up making it not worth it in the long run.  The same goes with our minds… we watch all these feel good movies and read happy books and fairy tales, and when it doesn’t happen like that in real life, it makes us feel totally hopeless and shitty.  Which give you an altered sense of reality.

The fact is, life is going to be hard.  It is just what it is, but just because something is hard, doesn’t mean it’s not worth it.  I can tell you from experience, that very very few things that you experience that is currently negative will NEVER outweigh something that is good.  Meaning, we will remember the good things, and thinking back will always bring a smile to our face like it just happened, but that doesn’t work with bad… eventually the sting of the bad will lessen… it won’t be as horrible as they day you experienced it… unless you allow it to.

I hate to be the one that shoots you with glitter rainbows and unicorns, but honestly, it’s only as bad as you allow it be.

One thing that keeps going through my head is… you can only be a victim of your circumstance if you allow yourself to be.  If you want to wallow in gloom and doom and focus on all the crappy things that happen to you and say that life is never going to be happy and it’s never good… guess what… you’re right, because that’s exactly what’s going to happen.

It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You’re never going to get past something if you keep wearying it around your neck like a piece of jewlry.

When bad things happen:

1. Don’t focus on the bad.  Come up with plans (notice the S you may need more than one, and coming up with multiple plans may help ease the anxiety ) to FIX what is wrong.

2. GET SOME SLEEP.  I know that when I feel overly stressed, or overly emotional I’m usually tired.  When you sleep, you’re refueling your body and ESPECIALLY your mind and allowing your brain to help you work through your issues without having those pesky illogical emotions clogging up the thought process.  If you can’t sleep, by all means, get some melatonin or some nite-all or something that WILL allow you to sleep.

3. Get some EXERCISE.  It’s a known fact that exercise releases feel good chemicals into your body, and sometimes we just need a jump start and exercise is a PERFECT way to do that… doubly good if you can get it outside and absorb some of that Vitamin D, which helps too!

The thing is, you need to force yourself to move on.  Negativity is like a muddy ditch that will pull your car (mood, thoughts, etc) into it and keep you hostage if you let it.  But the trick is, when you see it coming, do everything you can to avoid it.  DON’T drink, alcohol is a depressant, it will only make you sadder.  The best thing to do is to not feed into it.  Address it and move on.  And if you say you can’t, you’re right.  because YOU are the only one that can fix this.  Other people commiserating with you or patting you on the back and saying “oh I’m so sorry” will only be around for so long.  People will get tired of having to constantly console you, because that kind mood only pulls people down with you, and they’ll usually break away before they allow it to happen to them too.   Consoling only works if it helps make you happier, if it feeds into self pity, it’s a hindrance.

I used to be UBER-negative.  I used to assume that everything that was going to happen had a grey lining, that something equally as bad will always come around and take away that happiness that I felt… and you know what?  It did, because I expected it and when it happened, I focused on it and fed into it.

I got tired of feeling like this all the time, so I decided to cut the crap and cowboy up and deal with it.  I stopped wallowing in self-pity and started to look at things differently and my life has completely turned around.  Yeah, bad things happen, but honestly, they’re so minor and I know from experience that it’s only temporary, that I just don’t give them time to germinate.

Why would I want to??  It would make me feel like shit!

Anyway, I guess what I’m trying to say is, whatever you feed will happen.  If you feel the negative side of your thoughts, they’ll grow. If you feed the positive side, it will grow as well.  Choose which one you want to feed into, because honestly, you are in total control of this, whether you want to believe it or not.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Terry Coleman
    Jul 01, 2011 @ 17:03:11

    Let me describe to you the year I almost died; 4 times:

    I lost my job, wrecked my car (well it was wrecked for me.lol), apartment and girlfriend (car wrecker) all in the month of February, I was 22 years old. I was pistol-whipped at a Citgo gas station at about 2am and narrowly escaped being shot along with my best friend (who was beaten pretty severely), I was standing outside of the mall in Durham when shots rang out and one bullet whizzed by my head.About 2 months later (when I finally got a job) I was so sick with an infection that I nearly died (lost about 50 lbs and my liver was so engorged with bacteria you could see it poking out of my side as well my lymphnodes on my neck and back).And also in the worst Hurricane to ever hit Raleigh (Fran) which destroyed the yard but luckily missed us by about 10miles, only when I went outside a giant oak tree leaning against the house gave way and missed my body about about 2 feet.

    Now, I said all of that to say that- despite all of that soul-crushing depression, anxiety, pain, desolation, failure and disappointment when i was sitting in my car at 11pm on a Friday with my head on the steering wheel wondering when I was going to have a meal or when things would settle down so I could get on with my life something dawned on me; I’m still here. All of my friends in different places dying, sickness, disappointment. the abuse I suffered – all of that was out of my control. But what could I control? How I responded to it. I resolved never to let it become me. I would be more resilient than it. Harder, stronger and courageous. I took it as a challenge. I kept my head up (literally and figuratively) and I NEVER let anyONE or anyTHING deter me from what I deemed was MINE. I didn’t survive all of that to fail. Failure IS an option. As is success. You choose one or the other.

    Your happiness is YOUR responsibility and believe me- everything in this life will attempt to sully and destroy it but, it’s up to you to power through it and stand up in the midst of the gale and rain and scream into the storm ‘FUCK YOU!’ (or whatever insolent phrase you can muster). I strive everyday to be the best person I can be on the INSIDE so when I can look at myself in the mirror and be proud of who I am no matter what’s in my pocket, driveway or bank account. The content of my character must be rich before I can be and then it won’t matter b/c happiness is a state of being and a state of mind. It wont just appear you have to manifest it everyday. I have to push through the fog and clouds some day’s but the brightness is there. I’m always grateful for whatever I have b/c TRUST me you ca ALWAYS lose more.


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