the future for my boy

So my boyfriend (I really need to find a new word that doesn’t sound so high school… life partner?  hahaha) and I walk a lot.  We love walking, it’s good for you and it’s enjoyable.  And I like when we just start talking about stuff, mostly life and how we’re feeling and the like… it’s nice, and helps me get things out of my brain.

This weekend, I brought up my son.
He comes up a lot, because I guess I’m worried about him and I have a lot of things that I feel I should have done in the past that I didn’t, and I guess that I have always wished to get a do-over.

As I stated in my post before, I wanted him to move up here with me to finish his school,  so I can help him.  Well, that didn’t come to fruition.  Mostly, because he and his father didn’t finish the paper work to do the transfer, but mostly, I think that it’s hard for him to leave his current life behind.  I can understand that.  But I still kind of wish he came up here anyway.

But in our walk & talk (ha!), I guess we came up with the conclusion that it’s for the best.  He’s currently in school (he goes into the school, but does online classes), and he seems to like it and he’s not getting into any problems.  I have to come to the reality that I can’t turn back the clock and undo what has happened.

I wish I would have pushed his father harder for visitation.

I wish I would have been more of a presence for him so he knew I was there for him.

I wish I knew him like the back of my hand like I used to.

I wish I could see the future, so I can relax and know that he’s going to be ok.

…but I think that he will be ok, because he’s smart and resourceful.  I don’t know if he’ll be an Architect like he had hoped when he was a kid, but it looks like he’s leaning towards being a Tattoo Artist, which I have no problem with.  But if he does choose to do that, I hope he’s smart about it… I hope he still goes to Art school, and I hope that I’m able to help him get that done.

I really do believe he’s going to graduate High School, it really feels like it’s possible now.

It’s so hard to just let go and let him do what he needs to do, but I honestly believe that when he finally does finish school, it’ll show him that he CAN accomplish things, even when it doesn’t look like it’s possible.

I’m not sure why I wrote this post, I guess I needed to get this out of my head.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. GRIZZ
    Sep 08, 2010 @ 18:59:28

    He’s YOUR son, so it goes without saying that he’ll be alright 😉

    Reply

  2. Al-Bashir
    Sep 08, 2010 @ 20:26:03

    I feel what you feel because I to am going through the same.
    Only difference is gender. I am a Dad looking for his girl.

    Reply

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